Everything I Needed to Know About Acting, I Learned in Los Angeles.

April 23, 2012 1:51 pm

How to Become an Actor in LA:

1. Work as an actor in your hometown

2. Decide you are the shit

3. Move to LA with your old Honda packed with enthusiasm and a bag of "I've got something special!"

4. Live somewhere in LA that is either too expensive, or too far away, or both. Regret this choice, but don't admit it to anyone but the mirror.

5. Get new headshots, new 'audition' shirts and slather your website with positive and motivated exclamations. Take classes to feel like you're actually doing something.

6. Run out of money.

7. Get a job in a restaurant.

8. Judge everyone around you in auditions. Too slutty. Too loud. Too fake. 

9. Realize they booked the job.

10. Convince yourself you won't 'be like them anyway.' 

11. Listen to every pop song involving the word "stronger." Fist pump the air.

12. Get into a serious relationship with "2 Buck Chuck."

13. Get a sharpie and draw on all your old headshots. Contemplate mass mailing them. "That'll show 'em."

14. Realize you will only be cast as some sort of brainless, sex object, bitchy girl thing.

15. Compare yourself to everyone. Give up.

16. Immerse yourself in Battlestar Galactica.

17. Wear sunglasses everywhere so no one can see your tears.

18. Hibernate. Time to move to failed actor island.

19. Acknowledge that you now only take pride in your ability to parallel park like a badass. 

20. Take some time to reflect.

21. Decide you hate everyone.

22. Take a little more time to reflect.

23. Realize you've forgotten why you loved acting in the first place.

24. Stop trying to be 'successful', start doing what you like.

25. Embrace the struggle.

26. Enjoy doing it, for the sake of doing it. 

27. Battlestar Galactica follows you on Twitter. You feel complete.